hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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