so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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