Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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