I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
