My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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