please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize