fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize