Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
