dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
