how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it because I queefed?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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