i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
