I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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