Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
