he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
