maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
