I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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