Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
