Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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