Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
