I'm pants shitting drunk right now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
