I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
