This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
high people should be assigned attendants
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
