I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
