Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
