We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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