we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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