"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize