shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
