I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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