she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
