i think my tv is drunk
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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