note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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