Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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