I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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