then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize