A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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