I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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