I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
