i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
