k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
