remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
