she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
