even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
