didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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