Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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