Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize