I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
