I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
