I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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