Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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