with your own penis?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
