Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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