I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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