i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
