the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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