He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
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