His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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