office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
