In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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