Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
