Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize