3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sponge bath it is.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
