Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
