Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize