Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
babies were throwing up all over the place
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
