hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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