Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
