he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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