She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
