the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
