id be glad to
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
