god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
