good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
no you cant smoke seaweed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
