I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
