So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
