I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
