Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
