If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
