i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
