Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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