True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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