I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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